About J Bennett

Name
I think it starts with a J. Next question.

Are you related to Tony Bennett?
Not as far I know. What kind of lame question is that?

Favorite color
I don’t do favorites, but I drive a blue car, write on a blue laptop and once partially dyed my hair blue. So, blue then.

If you could be any animal what would it be?
Dragon

Location:
Inside my head, which is currently living in California

How did you get into writing?
The real reason is totally lame, so here’s a better (though slightly untrue ) version:

One day I was taking a leisurely stroll through a dense and desolate forest (you know, gotta burn those calories), when I heard a cry for help. Being a super brave person, I ran toward the cry and discovered an old woman being attacked by a mountain lion. With my brute strength (I  CrossFit), I wrestled the mountain lion into submission. It ran away with its tail between its legs.

It was clear that the old woman’s wounds were mortal. I stayed with her and did my best to ease her pain (this involved selflessly tearing my shirt into strips and wrapping them around her many wounds. It was a very large shirt and was specifically made for easy conversion into bandages). As she lay dying, the woman revealed herself to be a mystical gypsy.

(In case you’re wondering, gypsy spells don’t work on mountain lions. Just one of those quirks of the universe.)

“I have seen into your heart and know its truest desire,” the gypsy whispered, still completely coherent despite the massive loss of blood (magic). “You want to be a famous author, whose books top the best seller list and delight the hearts of millions.”

Caught up in this magical, yet very tragic moment, I responded, “and a few movie deals wouldn’t hurt either.”

The old woman continued, “with the last of my strength, I could grant this wish…but seeing as you didn’t actually save my life, I’m only going to make you a mildly successful ebook author.”

“But what about the shirt bandages?” I whined.

The woman waved her arm, and I felt a shiver run through my body. The old gypsy died then and there in my arms, shirt bandages be damned. Suddenly a strange compulsion overtook me. I knew that I must go and write. Then I must have my sister lambast my writing. Then I must edit and beg a friend to build a website. And then, after all these great trials and tribulations, I must self publish.

Favorite character
Sir Hopsalot

A cool thing about yourself
I name all the major inanimate objects in my life. My computer’s name is Torgo based off a character in one of the worst movies ever made Manos: Hands of Fate. (Thank you for existing MST3K)

No, a cool thing about yourself
Oh, okay. I can do back flips.

Deidre


Age: 24
Occupation: Housekeeper to Nathaniel Hayward
Hobbies: Playing the cello

About: Deidre may not be a particularly good housekeeper, have a lot of natural talents or ever be able to tame her frizzy red hair, but what she lacks in life skills she makes up for in perseverance.  She needs a lot of it as she dodges the practical jokes of the haunted mansion's two resident poltergeists, makes sure The Thing In The Basement has fresh cow heads to munch on, and puts up with her cranky boss Nathaniel who is libel to drain whoever knocks on his door (usually Mormons) if she doesn't watch him.

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Nathaniel


Age: 266
Occupation: Vampire of leisure
Hobbies: Cleaning musket, reading biographies, watching I Dream of Jeannie, campaigning for Dwight D. Eisenhower

About: Nathaniel doesn't understand why everyone gets so uppity about newfangled fads like the telephone and horseless carriage. He also doesn't approve of the loose today's loose social morals, what with women walking around wearing pants and making it to age 20 without at least one child on their hip. This isn't what Nathaniel fought in the Revolutionary War for (only at night). The worst of the lot is his housekeeper, Deidre, a bitter old maid who insists he stop sucking the life blood from the Mormons who knock on his door and can't even get prune juice stains out of his kerchiefs.

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Dex


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Conveyor of Extreme Emotions
Hobbies: Guiding unwilling individuals to the conclusion that true fear resides in the devastation we bring to our planet and to our society.

About: Dex is dedicated to transcending the poltergeist stereotype by delving deeper into the nature of fear and showing his unwilling victims that our own reality is what truly deserves our fear and notice. He accomplishes this by through artistic haunting - murals, dioramas and even living projects (which tend to scurry away and end up jumping out at Deidre from the kitchen cabinets). Dex is a ghost with a cause, and he won't rest in peace until you've heard it.

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Sloppy Joe


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Scary-ass Poltergeist
Hobbies: Making Girl Scouts piss their skirts

About: Sloppy Joe grew up on the mean streets of Zanesville, Ohio  where he was pursuing a career as the world's latest and greatest skinny white rapper when he met his untimely death. Nathaniel's mansion is his first official haunted residence. He's still getting used to his powers, but that doesn't stop him from trying to make Deidre's life hell and demonstrate that death doesn't keep down a brother from Zanesville.

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Silas


Age: 79
Occupation: Retire factory worker/part-time vampire hunter
Hobbies: Collecting lawn gnomes, killing vampires

About: Silas was all set to marry his high-school sweetheart in the 1950s until she came home one day a couple of shades paler and with some dental enhancements. After staking his fiancé, Silas vowed to  kill the vampire who had turned her. This led to a 50-year stint as a part-time vampire hunter  and eventually brought Silas to Nathaniel's door. With his fanny pack filled with stakes, Silas is ready to avenge his long lost love.

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Silvia


Age: Claims to be 45
Occupation: Between jobs
Hobbies: Bingo, shopping on QVC, flirting

About: Silvia is proof that some gold diggers never stop digging. When she sets her sights on Nathaniel, she's not worried about his fangs as long as his bank account is just as sharp. Not one to put all her eggs in one basket, Silvia also treats Henrick the werefrog to a little of her wrinkly good stuff. Sure, the extra long tongue is a bit of a turnoff, but she just saw the cutest pair of heels on QVC. No time for scruples when there's sexy footwear on the line.

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Henrick


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Insect control
Hobbies: Taking a snack break at the dumpsters behind the nearest buffet (he only comes for the flies)

About: Henrick is an obese werefrog who was quite the monster back in his day. Now, confined to an electronic scooter, his terrorizing the human populace days are well behind him...unless something really gets him riled up.

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Drew


Age: 25
Occupation: Assistant shift manager at Arbys
Hobbies: Rooting for the Browns, playing Xbox

About: Drew just wants to be your everyday slacker jock. He's got the good looks, nowhere job and deep thought avoidance radar that would make him the perfect addition to any state college frat keggar. Unfortunately, a small genetic inheritance keeps getting in his way, as Deidre learns first hand. Even the knowledge of Drew's dark secret can't douse the flames of Deidre's crush though she knows that the handsome jock never falls for the chubby nerd...or does he?

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The Thing in the Basement


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Vortex of destruction
Hobbies: Anything that involves mayhem

About: The Thing In The Basement shall not be spoken of.

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