And You Thought Your Boss Sucked!

 

Employment Interview With A Vampire — Novella One

Cover -- Employment Interview With A VampireAt the age of 24, Deidre finds herself unemployed with few job skills and a growing pile of overdue bills. When a perky career counselor suggests an open housekeeping position, Deidre knows this could be her only chance for a decent job.

She doesn’t bother asking many questions…like what the career counselor meant when she said the employer had certain “peculiarities.” Deidre is in for a very unpleasant surprise. Not only is her perspective boss a vampire, but he’s also cranky, adamantly prefers the telegraph over the telephone, and gets dangerous when his prune juice isn’t delivered on time. 

Oh, and he also has a strong fondness for another kind of liquid refreshment, one that he prefers warm and fresh.

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When Vampires And Ninjas Collide — Novella Two

Cover -- When Vampires and Ninjas Collide by J BennettWorking as the housekeeper for a grouchy, occasionally murderous vampire might be exotic, but Deidre feels nothing but plain, especially when a new girl moves in across the street. Bellasandra has everything that Deidre does not — gorgeous locks that never tangle, a body that jiggles only in the right places, a stud-muffin love interest, and a destiny to save the world.

As for Deidre…she’s got an undead boss who doesn’t believe women can handle the vote, two poltergeist friends who are more annoying than terrifying, and a beloved hamster, Mr. Peanut…who just went missing.

And what’s with the creepy van that keeps showing up with a ninja at the wheel?

When an identity mistake forces Deidre to spend a night in Bellasandra’s shoes (and very tiny clothes), Deidre may just come to appreciate the benefits of a boring life.

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Apprenticeship With A Vampire — Novella Three

Apprenticeship With A Vampire CoverWhen Nathaniel declares that he needs an heir to carry on his vampire line, his ever-patient housekeeper Deidre turns to the most logical source…Craigslist. Too bad the ghosts of the house treat each candidate like a Christmas present come early. After yet another candidate flees with urine-stained pants, Deidre wonders if anyone can make it through her boss’s horrifying interview process.

As Deidre works to squish the latest crop of mutant cockroaches scurrying around the haunted mansion and keep the house zombie from losing his fingers…again, another complication springs up. Jude Cross, Monster Hunter Extraordinaire, is on the trail of Big Foot. Cross won’t rest until he captures the world’s most elusive monster…who happens to be one of Deidre’s favorite bingo buddies.

Deidre tries to warn Rick, (a.k.a. Big Foot), but will it be enough? Can this flummoxed housekeeper find an apprentice for her impossible boss, turn her friendship with a hunky werefrog into something more, and keep Big Foot safe? A little perseverance goes a long way!

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The Vampire’s Housekeeper Chronicles — Full Bundle

The Vampire's Housekeeper Chronicles by J BennettWant a full dose of Nathaniel, Deidre, Drew, Dex, Sloppy Joe and all the other unique characters that make up the landscape of the Vampire’s Housekeeper Chronicles series? Now you can save time (and a little money) by purchasing all three novellas in one hilarious, action-packed, and undead bundle. You’ll get more prune juice, more cranky Nathaniel witticisms, and more Deidre stammering like a champ in front of wereferret heartthrob, Drew. Get:

  • Employment Interview with a Vampire
  • When Vampires and Ninjas Collide
  • Apprenticeship with a Vampire
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Deidre


Age: 24
Occupation: Housekeeper to Nathaniel Hayward
Hobbies: Playing the cello

About: Deidre may not be a particularly good housekeeper, have a lot of natural talents or ever be able to tame her frizzy red hair, but what she lacks in life skills she makes up for in perseverance.  She needs a lot of it as she dodges the practical jokes of the haunted mansion's two resident poltergeists, makes sure The Thing In The Basement has fresh cow heads to munch on, and puts up with her cranky boss Nathaniel who is libel to drain whoever knocks on his door (usually Mormons) if she doesn't watch him.

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Nathaniel


Age: 266
Occupation: Vampire of leisure
Hobbies: Cleaning musket, reading biographies, watching I Dream of Jeannie, campaigning for Dwight D. Eisenhower

About: Nathaniel doesn't understand why everyone gets so uppity about newfangled fads like the telephone and horseless carriage. He also doesn't approve of the loose today's loose social morals, what with women walking around wearing pants and making it to age 20 without at least one child on their hip. This isn't what Nathaniel fought in the Revolutionary War for (only at night). The worst of the lot is his housekeeper, Deidre, a bitter old maid who insists he stop sucking the life blood from the Mormons who knock on his door and can't even get prune juice stains out of his kerchiefs.

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Dex


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Conveyor of Extreme Emotions
Hobbies: Guiding unwilling individuals to the conclusion that true fear resides in the devastation we bring to our planet and to our society.

About: Dex is dedicated to transcending the poltergeist stereotype by delving deeper into the nature of fear and showing his unwilling victims that our own reality is what truly deserves our fear and notice. He accomplishes this by through artistic haunting - murals, dioramas and even living projects (which tend to scurry away and end up jumping out at Deidre from the kitchen cabinets). Dex is a ghost with a cause, and he won't rest in peace until you've heard it.

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Sloppy Joe


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Scary-ass Poltergeist
Hobbies: Making Girl Scouts piss their skirts

About: Sloppy Joe grew up on the mean streets of Zanesville, Ohio  where he was pursuing a career as the world's latest and greatest skinny white rapper when he met his untimely death. Nathaniel's mansion is his first official haunted residence. He's still getting used to his powers, but that doesn't stop him from trying to make Deidre's life hell and demonstrate that death doesn't keep down a brother from Zanesville.

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Silas


Age: 79
Occupation: Retire factory worker/part-time vampire hunter
Hobbies: Collecting lawn gnomes, killing vampires

About: Silas was all set to marry his high-school sweetheart in the 1950s until she came home one day a couple of shades paler and with some dental enhancements. After staking his fiancé, Silas vowed to  kill the vampire who had turned her. This led to a 50-year stint as a part-time vampire hunter  and eventually brought Silas to Nathaniel's door. With his fanny pack filled with stakes, Silas is ready to avenge his long lost love.

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Silvia


Age: Claims to be 45
Occupation: Between jobs
Hobbies: Bingo, shopping on QVC, flirting

About: Silvia is proof that some gold diggers never stop digging. When she sets her sights on Nathaniel, she's not worried about his fangs as long as his bank account is just as sharp. Not one to put all her eggs in one basket, Silvia also treats Henrick the werefrog to a little of her wrinkly good stuff. Sure, the extra long tongue is a bit of a turnoff, but she just saw the cutest pair of heels on QVC. No time for scruples when there's sexy footwear on the line.

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Henrick


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Insect control
Hobbies: Taking a snack break at the dumpsters behind the nearest buffet (he only comes for the flies)

About: Henrick is an obese werefrog who was quite the monster back in his day. Now, confined to an electronic scooter, his terrorizing the human populace days are well behind him...unless something really gets him riled up.

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Drew


Age: 25
Occupation: Assistant shift manager at Arbys
Hobbies: Rooting for the Browns, playing Xbox

About: Drew just wants to be your everyday slacker jock. He's got the good looks, nowhere job and deep thought avoidance radar that would make him the perfect addition to any state college frat keggar. Unfortunately, a small genetic inheritance keeps getting in his way, as Deidre learns first hand. Even the knowledge of Drew's dark secret can't douse the flames of Deidre's crush though she knows that the handsome jock never falls for the chubby nerd...or does he?

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The Thing in the Basement


Age: Unknown
Occupation: Vortex of destruction
Hobbies: Anything that involves mayhem

About: The Thing In The Basement shall not be spoken of.

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