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Book Is Coming… Eventually

he bank gets heisted at least once a week. Superheroes spend more time showboating for the cameras than helping the citizens. And everyone who isn’t already a hero or a villain wants to become one. Well, almost everyone. Alice just needs to keep her head down, earn her college degree, and then she’ll finally be able to find a real job, far, far away. Too bad a super scary villain just blew up the restaurant where she worked and her paycheck along with it.

Now, one of the town’s most famous villains is coming out of retirement, and he’s holding henchmen auditions. For Alice, her only way out of this crazy town might be to embrace her evil side.


There you have it. The premise of the book I’m working on, The Henchman’s Survival Guide. Pretty cool, right? (Please let them say yes. Pretty, pretty please let them say yes!)

There’s just one little, itty, bitty, ritty, vitty, jitty problem.

It’s going to be a while until you can read it.

I know, it’s already been a long wait. If you want to know why I’ve been pulling a George R.R. Martin on my readers (sorry, George, I love you and am insanely jealous of your world-building skills), check out my last blog post about how I wrote not one, but two failed first novel drafts before finally getting my writing groove back.

The good news is that things are coming along with The Henchman’s Survival Guide. The first draft is written, the first round of edits are done, and my beta readers are tearing it to shreds.

The not-so-good news is that I’ve decided to hold off on publishing the first book until I finish a solid draft of the second book in the series.

The reason I’m doing this is both for writing purposes and businessy stuff (yuck). The writing reason is that The Henchman’s Survival Guide takes place in a slightly futuristic world. It’s taken me a while to become comfortable with the world and the backstory that comes with it. As I write the second book, I want to ensure that it all matches up with the first book and presents a consistent world and narrative. I wouldn’t want to run into a big issue in the second book and realize that I’ve cornered myself in the first book.

The second reason for delaying the book launch is pure business (bleh). I know you all are loyal to the last and would wait years between books if you had to. Decades even. Hell, you’d cryogenically freeze yourselves just so you could read my entire lineup, right?

… Right?

But most readers aren’t so talented, wonderful, loyal, and practically a genius like you. With so many books constantly hitting the market, an author who can’t produce quickly is apt to be forgotten. By waiting to publish the first book until the second book is at least halfway through the development process, I can publish them closer together, limiting the down time between books, and keep readers engaged in the world so that they will be more likely to wait for the next book in the series.

It’s a totally practical plan, but it sucks, because it means that you’re going to have to wait a little longer to get your mitts on this fun and exciting story I’m weaving.

That’s why I’m asking for your patience… again. My goal is to publish The Henchman’s Survival Guide this year, but it will likely be toward the end of the year. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the readers who have stuck with me and encouraged me even when I had to toss the previous two books I was working on.

I think you’ll find that The Henchman’s Survival Guide is going to be worth the wait, and I hope to post some cool, behind-the-scenes looks at the process of creating that story sometime in the future.

So much to do! Back to editing.

Hard at work writing an awesome book!

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Age: 24
Occupation: Housekeeper to Nathaniel Hayward
Hobbies: Playing the cello

About: Deidre may not be a particularly good housekeeper, have a lot of natural talents or ever be able to tame her frizzy red hair, but what she lacks in life skills she makes up for in perseverance.  She needs a lot of it as she dodges the practical jokes of the haunted mansion's two resident poltergeists, makes sure The Thing In The Basement has fresh cow heads to munch on, and puts up with her cranky boss Nathaniel who is libel to drain whoever knocks on his door (usually Mormons) if she doesn't watch him.



Age: 266
Occupation: Vampire of leisure
Hobbies: Cleaning musket, reading biographies, watching I Dream of Jeannie, campaigning for Dwight D. Eisenhower

About: Nathaniel doesn't understand why everyone gets so uppity about newfangled fads like the telephone and horseless carriage. He also doesn't approve of the loose today's loose social morals, what with women walking around wearing pants and making it to age 20 without at least one child on their hip. This isn't what Nathaniel fought in the Revolutionary War for (only at night). The worst of the lot is his housekeeper, Deidre, a bitter old maid who insists he stop sucking the life blood from the Mormons who knock on his door and can't even get prune juice stains out of his kerchiefs.



Age: Unknown
Occupation: Conveyor of Extreme Emotions
Hobbies: Guiding unwilling individuals to the conclusion that true fear resides in the devastation we bring to our planet and to our society.

About: Dex is dedicated to transcending the poltergeist stereotype by delving deeper into the nature of fear and showing his unwilling victims that our own reality is what truly deserves our fear and notice. He accomplishes this by through artistic haunting - murals, dioramas and even living projects (which tend to scurry away and end up jumping out at Deidre from the kitchen cabinets). Dex is a ghost with a cause, and he won't rest in peace until you've heard it.


Sloppy Joe

Age: Unknown
Occupation: Scary-ass Poltergeist
Hobbies: Making Girl Scouts piss their skirts

About: Sloppy Joe grew up on the mean streets of Zanesville, Ohio  where he was pursuing a career as the world's latest and greatest skinny white rapper when he met his untimely death. Nathaniel's mansion is his first official haunted residence. He's still getting used to his powers, but that doesn't stop him from trying to make Deidre's life hell and demonstrate that death doesn't keep down a brother from Zanesville.



Age: 79
Occupation: Retire factory worker/part-time vampire hunter
Hobbies: Collecting lawn gnomes, killing vampires

About: Silas was all set to marry his high-school sweetheart in the 1950s until she came home one day a couple of shades paler and with some dental enhancements. After staking his fiancé, Silas vowed to  kill the vampire who had turned her. This led to a 50-year stint as a part-time vampire hunter  and eventually brought Silas to Nathaniel's door. With his fanny pack filled with stakes, Silas is ready to avenge his long lost love.



Age: Claims to be 45
Occupation: Between jobs
Hobbies: Bingo, shopping on QVC, flirting

About: Silvia is proof that some gold diggers never stop digging. When she sets her sights on Nathaniel, she's not worried about his fangs as long as his bank account is just as sharp. Not one to put all her eggs in one basket, Silvia also treats Henrick the werefrog to a little of her wrinkly good stuff. Sure, the extra long tongue is a bit of a turnoff, but she just saw the cutest pair of heels on QVC. No time for scruples when there's sexy footwear on the line.



Age: Unknown
Occupation: Insect control
Hobbies: Taking a snack break at the dumpsters behind the nearest buffet (he only comes for the flies)

About: Henrick is an obese werefrog who was quite the monster back in his day. Now, confined to an electronic scooter, his terrorizing the human populace days are well behind him...unless something really gets him riled up.



Age: 25
Occupation: Assistant shift manager at Arbys
Hobbies: Rooting for the Browns, playing Xbox

About: Drew just wants to be your everyday slacker jock. He's got the good looks, nowhere job and deep thought avoidance radar that would make him the perfect addition to any state college frat keggar. Unfortunately, a small genetic inheritance keeps getting in his way, as Deidre learns first hand. Even the knowledge of Drew's dark secret can't douse the flames of Deidre's crush though she knows that the handsome jock never falls for the chubby nerd...or does he?


The Thing in the Basement

Age: Unknown
Occupation: Vortex of destruction
Hobbies: Anything that involves mayhem

About: The Thing In The Basement shall not be spoken of.